Jokes about the elderly

OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties

OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance

OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted

OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part

OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted

OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history

OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver

OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures

OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate

OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world

OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay

OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest

OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan

OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty

OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap

http://www.ahajokes.com/age01.html 

Just a line to say that I am living...

Just a line to say that I am living, that I`m not among the dead; though I`m getting more forgetful and mixed up in my head. I got wed to my arthritis to my dentures I`m resigned; I can manage with my bifocals but, God, I miss my mind! For sometimes I can`t remember when I stand at the foot of the stairs; If I must go up for something or have I just come down from there? And before the fridge so often my poor mind is filled with doubt; Have I just put food away, or have I just come to take some out? And there is time when it is dark with my nightcap on my head; I don`t know if I`m retiring or just getting out of bed. So, if it`s my turn to write you, there is no need for getting sore; I may think that I have written and don`t want to be a bore. So, remember that I love you and wish that you were near; but now it`s nearly mail time, must say goodbye, my dear. Here I stand beside the mailbox with a face so very red; instead of mailing your letter I have opened it instead!

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/old-age-jokes

An elderly woman from Brooklyn ...

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?" "Then I`ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/old-age-jokes

An old man goes to the doctor...

An old man goes to the doctor to ask him an important question. "Doctor, when I was in my 20`s, it took both of my hands to push down my hard-on. When I was in my 30`s, it took one hand to push down my hard-on. When I was in my 50`s, it took three fingers to push down my hard-on. Now that I`m in my 60`s, it only takes one finger to push down on my hard-on! So what I`m basically trying to ask you is? How strong am I going to get?"

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/old-age-jokes

Two old women were sitting...

Two old women were sitting on the bench talking, when one asked the other, "How`s your Paddy holding up in bed these days?" The second old lady replied, "He makes me feel like an exercise bike." "How`s that?" "He climbs on and starts pumping away but we never get anywhere!"